At OneWeirdThought, we I have shared some horrific ideas such as HappyHelper and today’s post proudly continues that tradition. By the time you are done reading this article you should hold that unique OWT feeling of bemused disgust accentuated with a splash of outrage.
In days of yore, one could easily discern peasants from gentry. Rich folks dressed, moved and ate differently. Today, one of the richest men on the planet is known for his hoodie an item of clothing also associated with poor youth. Sure, there are still opportunities for the wealthy to laud it over commoners but it’s just not the same. For example, when I fly I have to slink past the wealthy to the back of the plane with the rest of my fellow peasants. While first class flying is far superior to peasant class, we’re on the same plane and arriving at the same time.
This article shares a couple of ideas that allow the wealthy to feel obscenely privileged.
Palanquin as a Service
Today, peasant and plutocrat alike can summon a driver and be whisked around a city on demand. While the plutocrat maybe driven in a nicer vehicle in the big scheme of things they are using the same mode of transportation.
In the olden days the rich were transported on palanquins that were borne by burly proletariats. When a palanquin proceeded down the road, everyone knew that someone important was abroad.
It is time for us to bring Palanquins into the twenty first century. They are a green transportation solution that brings greater employment. Whereas an Uber requires one person for labor, a palanquin requires four (one per corner). Palanquins are far better for the environment with zero emissions and much simpler manufacturing.
Imagine pulling up at the tennis club like this.
In liberal states such as Washington, they would make sure that the bearers are all wearing OSHA-certified back braces and have gone through rigorous training on carrying techniques. In right-to-work states, all rules go out of the window. A deserving rich person can be carried by a group of sixth graders who will learn about the dignity of labor … and the benefits of being born into wealth.
Freshly squeezed breast milk
Rich folk are always trying to eat food that makes them feel special such as Pule which is Balkan donkey milk cheese. But way too often, their food is just like everyone else’s. When a rich person orders a latte, they are “limited” to the following options 2% milk, full-fat milk, almond milk, oat milk, lactose free milk, and soy milk which are exactly the same options as anyone going to a Starbucks. Rich people deserve more!
Imagine Jay-Z is at home and offers his good friend, Bill Gates, a cup of coffee. Bill says “I could murder a latte.” Jay-Z is thrilled because he gets to do a billionaire flex: “Do you want that with breast milk? We just had a fresh batch produced this morning.” Later on, Bill comments on the creaminess of the milk and says he’s going to have his team install a milking room at his place. Jay advises Bill that he should make sure that the milk producers consume a little cinnamon and honey a few hours before production. You may think that this is ridiculous, but my research indicates that frozen breast milk can taste a little sour and therefore fresh breast is best.
I have to admit that I am absolutely appalled at this idea even more so than the palanquin one. But I can’t help wondering if it is actually a viable service. It turns out that there is actually a for-profit breast milk market (it is used for premature babies). The going rate for breast milk is $16 per ounce. What would the cost be to have this milk on draught?
Could rich people really be this obscene?
I believe rich people are courageous enough to adopt both services. The palanquin signals one’s importance to the world and some rich people revel in this. How else would you explain the fact that Rolls Royce sold almost 6,000 vehicles in 2021?
As for fresh breast milk, there are things that rich people like to do with other rich people that they would rather we normal people didn’t know about. Remember Jeffrey Epstein supplied humans for the use of his rich friends.
Be sure to check out the OneWeirdThought podcast where Kiran and I will explore these ideas further.