I recently watched this clip of a Fox News host, stumped over how quickly England-native David Beckham had mastered...English after moving to the US. His primary display of xenophobia was around Messi not knowing English at all but I believe his more nuanced xenophobia was displayed around thinking Beckham had a weird way of speaking English. Now, any Brit worth their salted chips would tell you that Beckham is as English as a rainy day in London, but I guess the host thought Beckham was, and I’m just guessing here, from Argentina like Messi?
This phenomenon is not just isolated to famous footballers. Those who know my wife can attest that she speaks English fluently albeit at a rapid clip. Her story is just as confounding. She was chatting with her uncle in plain, unadorned English. But what does her coworker think? She assumes that Nritya’s speaking Hindi. A 30 minute conversation and they couldn’t pick up enough English to not make such a strange claim.
The Aussies though must win the gold medal for befuddlement. Even when they're not saying, "She'll be apples" when everything's fine, or calling flip flops "thongs," we still feel like we need a decoder ring to understand them. Despite the countless afternoons I've spent listening to Australian commentators while the Indian cricket team got trounced by Australia in the late 90s and early 2000s, their lingo continues to sound like cryptic code.
English has found its way to every corner of the globe, picking up a new accent everywhere it lands. It's like the world's most beloved tourist, making itself at home wherever it goes. And yet, it seems, the Americans are the unwelcome guest, struggling to follow the conversation at the dinner table.
In comes the English to American translator. Think about it. We could navigate the tricky waters of regional slang, colloquialisms, and accent-laden dialogues with ease. No more awkward smiles when you don't understand what's said. We could fully grasp when our British friends are "chuffed to bits" (delighted) or our Aussie mates find something "as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike" (useless).
In a world where technology has given us the ability to communicate across thousands of miles in an instant, we should use it to eliminate language barriers, even within the same language. An English-to-American translation app could be just what we need to decipher the wonderfully diverse, sometimes baffling dialects of English spoken around the world.
So the next time you’re scratching your head over a phrase like "Bob's your uncle" or wondering why an Australian is looking for his "trackie dacks," remember, a solution could be right at your fingertips. This is more than a novel idea; it's a step towards creating a more connected and understanding world. After all, aren't we all just trying to understand and be understood?
Really looking forward to having a natter about this with you on our next podcast Kiran